i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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