Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
