i think my mom watched the whole time
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
