I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He better not be in your backpack
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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