I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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