So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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