I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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