that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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