im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
