dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
