I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize