The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
