I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize