We're facebook friends in real life
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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