Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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