2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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