i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
