I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
