I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
