She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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