Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize