theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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