You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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