I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
