This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
