with your own penis?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
