Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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