A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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