He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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