i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
