You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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