I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
