This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
