Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
