i permit you to call me
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
