I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My ass is underappreciated
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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