somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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