I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize