I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I intend to get homeless drunk
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
