can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
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