He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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