4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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