Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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