1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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