Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
