I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
