I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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