it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
