at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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