woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
