I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
