Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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