My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
barbara walters just said penis...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
