He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
