She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
