You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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