Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
