my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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