remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just found puke in my bra..
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
