Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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